dirty_little_secrets

Dear Diary,

Thursday, 08 October 2009

Currently
Trapt
By Trapt
Echo
see related
Survey O46.

bolding about parties (:
made by surprisepartyy
drinks / shots you've tried
redbull and vodka
jagerbomb
sex on the beach
margarita
jack and coke
vodka and cranberry juice
spider bite
mojito
beer
rum and coke
jungle juice
caribou lou
mudslide
long island iced tea
hard lemonade
smirnoff ice
when drunk i have...
fallen down the stairs
tripped over nothing
slurred my words
drunk dialed / texted
done something i regret
thrown up
hooked up with someone i didn't know
danced on a table
made a complete fool of myself
broken something
cried
hurt myself
got in a fight
blacked out
talked shit
had sex
smoked too much weed
cheated on my significant other
flirted shamelessly
watched a movie
went out in public
drove around
random
i've had a horrible hangover before
i don't drink anymore
i'm going to a party this weekend!
i've played kings cup
i've played beer pong
^ and dominated
i don't drink beer
i love taking shots
i've shotgunned a beer
i've done a beer bong
i don't drink that often
i can legally drink
i started drinking before age 16
i love to party
i'm usually the one throwing parties
the cops have busted a party i was at
i've gotten an MIP
i've driven drunk
i drink on school nights
i've been to a kegger

Sunday, 27 September 2009

probably..

the toughest few days ever.

Thursday night at about 8, Nikki called me and she was bawling her eyes out, and she goes 'mr mercurio (my good friends dad & one of our hockey coaches) got in a car accident and died.' and I almost threw up, I couldn't believe it, I started crying and everything, it was so bad, omg, I couldn't sleep and my mom had to give me sleeping pills so I could fall asleep cause I still had school the next morning, and it was terrible.

I didn't do anything in any of my classes, I just sat there, and I skipped global because were were talking about like the holocaust and everything, and I went to my guidance counseler, that man's the besttttt, and like he wrote an email to all my teachers saying I could leave if I wanted to because of what happened, and I just kinda chilled in there all day.

so then Friday we had a football game, and I went to kayla's house and we painted with emi and Ali, and we put #75 on our backs for anthony(friends brother who committed suicide), cause it was his birthday, and then on our shoulder area we put merc, for maggies dad, and then after the national anthem was sung, all the seniors sang happy birthday for ant, it was so sad, omg.

it's been tough, I still can't believe either of them are gone.
I'm out though,
Em.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

I can't stop crying.

I just got home from the Northwestern/Syracuse football game, and I went with Nikki, Tony and our fa families went too, and it was a good game, until the ride home. Tony and Nikki are so fricken happy together and I started thinking about Andrew, and how we used to be, and how we hardly talk anymore, and I almost started crying in the car but I held it back, and then Addicted came on the radio and I couldn't hold back anymore. It fucking sucks. I miss him. I want him back. I'm happy with Robbie and all, but with Andrew, I felt like no matter what happened, he was always gonna be there for me, and that I'd always have someone to talk to.

But now he's gone. I lost my legit best friend. We talked 24/7, and now I'm lucky if I get 30 minutes in the whole month. He still lives in the area for college, but we just don't talk anymore, and it fucking sucks. I was never so happy in my life, and I'm not exaggerating. I hate how things change because of a breakup, and sometimes I wish we hadn't dated, and that things would still be the way they were before, when I always had someone to talk to, I just miss everything.

I'm just mad though because when we broke up, he said we'd 'take a break' but then it ended up being a 5 month long break.. and he got a new girlfriend, and before all that I asked him if things with us were going anywhere again or what, and he said something about going away for college and not wanting to do anything because he was leaving. His college is literally 5 minutes from my house.

Whatever, that's my rant for the night, I'm gonna try and sleep.
Em.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

updated 10/10.

I still can't believe it. 7 months together, after maybe 7 years of waiting, 7 years of uncertainty, but it was so, so worth it. I remember asking Nikki, 'isn't that Robbie Waller? oh he's cute' and I remember her telling me not to fall for you, that you were a player and all this shit, but you looked me in the eyes the first day I saw you, and I was already gone. everyone says you've got a hold on me, I won't disagree with them, either. you're perfect. sure we've had our ups and downs occasionaly, but I don't know any couples who don't fight. I love you. 21809, forever<3

where to begin, whereee to begin? you were the first boy I ever actually felt something serious for. and to be completely honest, I still feel a little something. whenn you're online, when we text all night, when I see you around town. you made me happy every day of my life. I still read the saved IM's every now and then just for a laugh. I miss what we had, every day of my life. I regret that one decision that fucked everything up, and I hate myself for it, but I can't change it now. consequences, they suck. akp<3 I miss you bud.

nicolediane. bestfriend. sister. otherhalf. batman&robin. whoever don't like it is that mans problem. if I wrote everything I wanna say, i'd have a novel. so I just wanna leave this with a thank you. thank you for always being there. and I mean that.

brett cardone nelson. I'm your bitch, and it makes my life complete. for real. you taught me a life lesson when you said love doesn't exist like fairies and unicorns. that was only a little gay of you to say, but I still love you. even though you made my name into a verb. it's cool. you're cool, regardless of the fact that you wish you were married to Jordin Sparks. <3

you and I have been through literally everything. I tell you all my stories and you tell me yours. I know I can always go to you if I need help. thank you, for everything and all your advice.

dibs! we've had our rough spots but your like a brother to me, a very perverted one, but a brother nonetheless. you always give me a laugh :) thank youuu<3

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Currently
Wolfmother
By Wolfmother
Joker and the Thief
see related
Well.

On the 22nd Nikki had her sweet 16 party, and there were like, 2653982635785 people there, it was fucking nuts. But I was with Robbie earlier, and we went to this kid's house and got high before we came, and Tj and Garrett were gonna pick up Tony and then get us two. So we all went together, around like 730, since it was 7-whenever. And we showed up, and Nikki was like, "Why are you with them?" in this bitchy voice, and I was like, "Uh.. cause I was at Robbie's and Tj and Garrett were picking us up, and Tony was with them?" and she was like, "You should have came early with me, like what the fuck." And I wasn't trying to start shit with her since it was her birthday party and I was high, but still, that doesnt give you full permission to be a giant bitch. So we all went outside by the fire, and we were just chillin there and whatever, and the kid who we got high with, Chris, he called Robbie and was like, "Im in front, bring your girl and let's go smoke one, its been like 3 hours" So Robbie and I made up some excuse to leave, which she believed, but we told her we'd be right back.
So we left at like 1015 and right after we left, fucking Kayla calls me and was like "WAIT I WANNA COME!" and mind you, this girl's NEVER drank, NEVER smoked anything, but she dated Robbie, and he hates her, like beyond hate, and she wanted to come smoke just because Robbie was there. I was like "We just left, and Chris doesnt wanna come back, sorry" and she was like, "Wow, tell him hes a douchebag." And me, being high still, I was like "Chris, Kayla says your a douchebag." and Robbie took the phone and went offffff on Kayla, it was the funniest fucking thing I've ever witnessed in my life, he was like "YOU DONT FUCKING SMOKE YOU FUCKING STRAIGHTEDGE FATASS, YOU DONT FUCKING DRINK EITHER, STOP SAYING ALL THIS SHIT THAT YOU SUPPOSEDLY DO, BUT EVERYONE KNOWS YOU HAVENT HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOU HAVENT SMOKED ANYTHING EITHER, STOP FUCKING STALKING ME, STOP FUCKING TALKING TO ME, STOP FUCKING LYING TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK COOL BECAUSE ITS NOT FUCKING HELPING." and some more shit like that and hung up on her hahahahaha I swear to you, I almost peed.
So we were gone for like, half an hour, and we got back, and thank god there were no parents there, because it was completely obvious we had done something. Alexander, Nikki's ex boyfriend, came up to me, and was like, "hahahaha your eyes are so unbelievably bloodshot right now you look like death." and I was like, greaaat, so I put eyedrops in, not that it helped, and just went back to the party and crap, and TJ and Garrett were leaving at like, 130, so obviously I went with them because they were my ride, and all my clothes were at Robbie's house already, and they were bringing him home too. So I went to say bye to Nikki, and she was like 'Just stay at my house, everyones leaving soon I think." and I told her I couldnt cause everything was at Robbie's and she was like, "Wow okay, whatever, text me when your not as high as a kite tomorrow" and I wanted to say something SO bad but Robbie pulled me out of there, and we left.
So then we just went to Robbie's and watched tv for a little, and TJ, Garrett and Tony just ended up staying there, and Robbie and I passed out on the couch together, it was cute haha :)
So that's all,
Em :)

Wednesday, 26 August 2009

robbie hacked thiiiissssss

hey em, its robbie. i hacked ur page while ur asleep cuz u wouldn't let me before but that doesn't matter. I just wanted to let u kno that i love u and u mean the world to me, for real. ive always liked u but I never wanted to admit it cuz I didn't kno wut youd say or do and I didn't wanna loose u as even a friend or make things akward or w/e. im getting distracted by the tv and u just almost fell off the couch lol but u look cute wen u sleep, just sayin =] anyways. I hate it wen ppl say we shouldn't be together just because were so differnet and stupid shit like that, or wen they think we don't kno each other good enough. I've known u for like 7 years now, and u tell me everything, literaly everything, i'd say were meant for each other. sure we've had our fights but everyone does, and I feel like shit wen ur mad at me, it's terrible. well I think I'm gona go, I'll see u wen u wake up =]

I love u baby,
robbie =]

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

quick update.

um, not much is going on really, nikki's birthday is Wednesday, her party's saturday, and we're going shopping together tomorrow, I'm fricken pumped. mike and I are talking I guess but robbie and I are still dating and I'm getting myself into deeeeeep shit. Thursday night nikki and I are going to kayla's with ted and Conrad and Tyler and kris and all them, and we're chillin with them Friday too.

Brett and bobo came over Saturday night cause I had a party and shit, anndddd I guess that's it?
hahaha sorrry I'm being boring lately, but nothing's worth talking about (:

I'm out for now,
Em:)

Friday, 07 August 2009

oops.

haha I meant to update yesterday but.. we all know I didn't. anyways. here goes.

Conrad (ex boyfriend) has been trying to get with nikki, kayla, and me again, and on Tuesday, kayla, me, emi, ted, Conrad and nick went to wing night. afterwards, kayla wanted to go say hi to Conrad's mom and sister, so me, her and ted walked up the street, and emi, Conrad, and nick went to jack's house so that she could see him since theyre talking, and they were gonna meet us at the rec center park.

so we talked to his mom for a little, and we left to go to the park, and ted was talking to me about Conrad and he apologized to me for being such a dick and trying to get us to break up, and he was like 'you see why I was like that now don't you' and I was like, yeah and I realized that you weren't being a douchebag, you were trying to tell me something and he was like 'you deserve better than him' (talking about robbie) and I was like and 'what exactly do you think I need?' and he said a bunch of stuff, and I just kissed him. I'm screwed. I don't know what to do. I REALLY like him, and I know he's not the cutest person, but he's nice, and he cares, and that night, I started to fall for him.

anyways, we got to the park, and jack came with emi Conrad and nick a couple minutes later, and emi was pissed off at jack, and then we left like an hour later, and then the next day, kayla and I talked to ted and he was like all mad, and I guess Conrad had talked to him and was pissed off about something, and he was like 'you really think you have a chance with any of them?' and told ted we were only acting that way since Conrad wasn't there, and kayla and I FLIPPED on Conrad, ugh we were so pissed at him.

but I really like him, like, I don't know what to do. there was something there when we kissed, I swear. and yesterday Andrew texted me, which was weird, he was like asking if I was okay or something idk whatever. but I'm going to sleep.

goodnight everyone :)
Em:)

Friday, 31 July 2009

Currently
Speakerboxxx/ The Love Below
By OutKast
Roses
see related
Survey O45.

THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID:
1. I love cartoons.
2. I pout when I don't get my way.
3. Um, I'm only 15?

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. I've had sex
2. I've been through everrrrrrrrything.
3. I don't know what to put for this one.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Meet Ryan Reynolds<3
2. Tell one person how I REALLY feel about them..
3. Get that last slice of pizza that's in the fridge.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY":
1. I love sports. All sports. All the time.
2. I love sweatpants, big hoodies, basketball shorts.
3. I like working out.

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL":
1. Clothes. Addict.
2. Shoe/Purse/Accessory. Addict.
3. I love to be pretty. :)

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Get a new job.
2. Get a new phone
3. Get rid of old junk in my room.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes haha
2. I give good advice
3. Im funny:)

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I get bored way too easily.
2. I picked a sport that takes up 8/12 months of my year.
3. My nose.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Italian.
2. Italian.
3. Italian.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Intersections
2. Tractor trailers.
3. Heights.

THREE OF YOUR EVERY DAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Cell.
2. Makeup.
3. Water.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Style/personality

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Snap my fingers.
2. Shutup.
3. Whistle

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. I dont know.
2. I dont know
3. I dont know

TEN things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
1. I love you. You mean everything to me, and I don't tell you that enough.
2. You're my best friend, you make life worth living.
3. Your like my brother, and I love you.
4. Thanks for wasting about 2 years of my life
5. Happy Birthday! :)
6. Stay strong babe, you'll be okay.
7. Hahahaha see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya ;)
8. Sorry for messing with your head.
9. I fucked up, and didn't give you a fair chance.
10. You're not a dick? Really? Cause I'm pretty sure that cheating on me is something a dick would do..

NINE places you feel at home:
1. My house.
2. Nikki's house.
3. My grandmas house.
4. The arena
5. Rome.
6. Pennsylvania
7. I don't know of any more haha

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Sweet talk me;)
2. Remember the little things.
3. Make me laugh. Hard.
4. Call me to say "I love you."
5. Don't hide things from me
6. Respect me.
7. Show me you trust me.
8. When I'm a smart ass.... be one right back.

SEVEN people of the opposite sex who mean a lot to you:
1. Robbie.
2. Dad.
3. Grandpa.
4. Brett
5. Gar-Bear & TT
6. Marco
7. Michaeeeeeel

SIX people of the same sex who mean a lot to you:
1. My mom.
2. My grandmother.
3. Nikki.
4. Mackenzie.
5. Ashtin
6. Jen

FIVE things that cross your mind a lot:
1. Robbie.
2. Hockey-related shit.
3. Food
4. Plans for the day
5. How my hair looks.

FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Plug in my phone & ipod.
2. Turn iPod on.
3. Text.
4. Turn off the light

THREE songs that mean something to you:
1. Faithfully-Journey
2. Addicted-Saving Abel
3. Cyclone-Baby Bash ahahah

TWO confessions:
1. I am who I am, I don't plan on changing
2. I could honestly careless about what other people think of me.

ONE thing you're thinking about right now:
1. This was hard and it made me hungrier than I was before hahaha
Currently
Fearless
By Taylor Swift
You Belong With Me
see related
I found my future husband.

Thursday morning, I got dropped off at Nikki's, and we went to the Smith Post game at 11, and we sat like in the covered bleacher section, cause it was hot out and we had like cami's and tshirts on and didn't really wanna burn. So we sat there, and Obie's team was playing next, and a few of them were sitting under the covered part too, and we sat like, a section over from them but up higher. So it's like the 5th inning, and this team comes walking in, Nikki and I didn't know where they were from, and a couple of them came and sat like, right behind us. We were freaking the fuck out, they were GORGEOUS. So this one kid, number 18, he came and sat next to me, he was fucking hot. Like, I swear to God, I couldn't even speak correctly bc he was so hot.
So we were talking and stuff, and they had to go warm up cause the Smith game was almost over, and #18, Anthony, he stands up, and he's like, "Here, I'm gonna give you my number, text me around 4" AND FUCKING GAVE ME HIS NUMBER! I was like, alright, fine with me :D and I've been talking to him since yesterday. I'm gonna marry that boy, I swear to you.
So then, after the game, we went up to Nikki's camp at the beach cause all her family's there, but we were only there for a few hours bc she had a summer league game at 9:15, and I went with her of course, and we were messing with pk's head, and we told him I'd go make out with him if he'd bring me a hoodie because I didn't have one. So we get to the rink, and me and Nikki went to her locker room, and we walked past the Proctor team cause their game was starting on the other sheet of ice, and this kid Mickey [whom we hate] looks at us and goes "Damn, we got some hot bitches up in here tonight." and Nikki and I turned around, and at the same time we were like, "Shutttt the fuckkk up." and everyone else on the team was like, "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
So then Nikki and I went out in the warming area and Mike and Robbie are there already, and I was shivering my assssss off, I was so cold, and Mike was like "I forgot your hoodie.." and I was like, are you kidding. And he just looked at me and was like, "No hahah it's in the locker room." So we all went with him to get it, and I put it on and Mike walked away, and I went the opposite way into the other rink to watch the Proctor game, and we're standing near the boards, and Robbie and Tony come walking out with us, and Robbie was like, "Yo Em watch ouuuuuuuuut" and I was like, "What?" and he fucking squirted me with a water balloon, he like whipped it out of his pocket, and so I had to go run alllll the way around the rink again, I was pissed.
So after the game, I sat on one of the benches in the warming area and Robbie comes walking out, and he came over and like hit me on the head and jumped over me and was like, "Be right back I gotta piss." and Tony came walking out of the bathroom, and Robbie was like, "Yo Tony, me and this girl hooked up behind a pool table, go up to her and be like, 'Im getting a pool table, lets go hook up'" and Tony was nice enough not to do it, and so Robbie goes to me "You know im just messing with you." And I was just like, yeah. So he comes back and he grabs my hand, and his hand is all wet, I was like, wtf ew, and he goes, "It's piss." And I was like, EW, OH MY GOD. And he was like, "I'm just kiddding, calm down." He had to leave, so he went to go stand with his grandpa, and Mike comes out, I asked him if he wanted his hoodie back, and he was like "You pussied out ;)" and I argued with him about how I didnt, and then Nikki came out.

We walked out to her car, and we were walking with TJ and Garrett, and Nikki's dad, and Robbie hadn't left yet, he was just getting in his car. But before he gets in, he YELLS, "YO EM! POOL TABLES!" And Nikki's dad looks at me and was like, "What?" And TJ and Garrett turned around at the same time and were like, "WHAAAAAT?! YOU BETTER NOT BE DOING ANYTHING BEHIND POOL TABLES!'' And Nikki was like, "Robbie's prolly just spittin' game, you know him well enough to assume that." So we get in the car, and Garrett texts Nikki and was like, "You gotta hook me up with your friend." which is weird because he's like my brother. So she gave him my number again because he got a new phone and lost all his contacts, and he hasn't texted me yet, but I'm expecting one in the next few days :)
It was an interesting night, I must say. But I'm gonna go, I probably overwhelmed all of you with that whole story ahhaa.
Em:)

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dirty_little_secrets_xOx

- Name: Emily
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 3/30/2009

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Bi0GRAPhY;

Fifteen years young, I'll be sixteen at the end of the year. I play sports. Hockey & volleyball, to be specific. I drink. I smoke. I party. I flirt. I don't shut up. Boys are fun. This is my story, day by day. Can you handle it?